The people of London are as weird and wonderful as the city itself. How many of our most iconic residents do you recognise?
1. The East London Hipster
Sporting man-buns, flannel and beards that put Karl Marx to shame, the ubiquitous East London Hipster is a pursuer of all things independent and artisan. Followers of an unspoken beverage code: coffee and craft beer hold a quasi-religious significance; cocktails are acceptable only served in a jar or flowerpot. Can most likely be found at a pop up street food market on the roof of an abandoned uranium plant. Rides a bicycle.
2. The City Worker
Sharp suits, fat wallets, and 3 smartphones on 3 different timezones. Spends impossibly long hours in a big glass building, working on something involving money, business and acronyms. Works hard, plays hard, and has possibly sold their soul to the devil.
3. The Entrepreneur
Fuelled by a diet of TEDTalks and Apple products, members of this growing race are on a mission to disrupt and revolutionise. Likely packed in their soul-sucking corporate job to do something more meaningful, and can now be found in funky repurposed factory-turned-workspace, complete with exposed wiring and an office cat. Never wears a suit.
4. The Tube Vigilante
Google will tell you that the most dangerous animal in the world is something like a shark or poisonous snake. This is incorrect. Whilst the majority of us are content to tut passive-aggressively in the event of a breach of tube etiquette, the Tube Vigilante will stridently uphold its primacy, scolding and shaming like there’s no tomorrow. If you do not move down inside the carriage, or let passengers off before boarding, or, heaven forbid, fail to stand clear of the closing doors, you are in real mortal danger.
5. The West London Diva
Designer clothes, designer dogs, designer body parts. Regulars at London’s most exclusive venues. Possibly a minor royal or foreign heiress.
6. The London Lifer
Born, raised and educated in London. Melts if they go past Zone 3, a task only undertaken to go to the airport or perhaps visit Kew Gardens on a sunny weekend. Zone 9 might as well be Timbuktu. Has never been to a village.
7. The Tourist
Identifiable a mile away by their rain ponchos, selfie sticks and Union Jack-emblazoned apparel. Often travelling in flocks, they are likely to be slow-moving and an occasional nuisance to native Londoners. Probably the only demographic to go to Piccadilly Circus for fun.
8. The Tea-Drinking Cockney Chimney Sweep
An amalgamation of London stereotypes that live in the minds of people that have never actually been to London.
9. The Lean Green Yoga-Loving Machine
Lovers of Instagram, Whole Foods and superfood smoothies. Definitely doesn’t eat gluten. Health and well-being enthusiasts who would more often be spotted doing impossible stretches in the park were the weather in London more akin to that of Los Angeles, this group's spiritual home.
10. The Overly-Enthusiastic Graduate
Has likely made the move to the big city having gained a place on a prestigious grad scheme.
For them, the realities of London life have not yet kicked in, and everything is wonderful -- it’s like everything before was black and white, and now they’re seeing in technicolour.
This level of enthusiasm, however, will probably only last until their first bank statement arrives.